Wriging Forum: Writing

Shopping Craze in Madrid

sandyguzman — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 09:11:43

Madrid is one of the considered valuable cities not just in Spain but also in the entire Europe. It is also considered as a city center for Fashion and Designing which could also be lined up with some popular cities like Paris and Milan.

The last time I've been in Madrid, I was amazed with the place. There are a lot of cathedrals, interesting building and well designed Hoteles Madrid. Accommodations are great just as how I find with the hotels in Barcelona. There are a lot of hotel 4 estrellas Madrid which definitely has excellent services.

Anyone can find everything they want in Madrid. Even hard shoppers could also do. People have come to the city to discover and look for sophisticating styles and eccentrics. Variety is the essence of shopping in the city. Any design and taste fashion could be found there either elegant, modern and alternative clothing. Madrid transcends fashion; its style cannot be defined. It is said that the city is the sum of all trends, an amazing living collage. I always look forward to the day I'll be coming back in Madrid for a shopping trip. Well, that would be near enough. Perhaps, my come back will have to be a group tour with friends by which we are going to do our long-planned shopping craze in madrid.

What kind of new grammar is this?

dreamweaver — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:24:37

Google were bound to hit a few roadblocks...

Why on earth is "Google" plural in this sentence? "Google" is a company, singular. I could see

The owners of Google were bound to hit a few roadblocks...
The creators of Google were bound to hit a few roadblocks...
The competitors of Google....

You get the idea. "Owners", "creators", "competitors": all plural. "Google": most definitely singular. I've been seeing this same grammatical error all over lately, with Apple, Microsoft, Adobe, etc., and I just don't get it. Am I just missing it because I don't have some sort of business degree? Can anyone explain this weirdness?

Anyone Still Own/Use a Typewriter?

Gnorb — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:08:32

I've been interested as of late in the acquisition of an antique-ish, manual typewriter for my own personal use. So I got to thinking, "Does anyone I know still use manual, non-electric typewriters?" The answer in my personal circle is one. One person still uses a manual typewriter. And he, too, is a writer. Now, we can't be the only writers with a longing for the feel of an old-style machine, despite the obvious spartan restrictions imposed by the ancient thing. Therefore, I hereby pose the question: Does anyone here still use a manual typewriter? If so, what kind, and for what?

I've been looking to pick up an older Underwood typewriter and can't seem to find anyone locally advertising for one under $150. I've found them online for as low as $30, including shipping (in workable condition) so I'll probably pick one up that way, though most I've been tempted to buy are around $50 total.

P.S.
Don't bother asking why I would want one. I have my reasons, most of them having to do with appeasing my inner Luddite.

How to Publish a Book in 2 Weeks for $200

Scrivs — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 01:08:50

Am I the only one amazed that he can claim to write a whole book in a couple of days? Sure you can publish almost anything in 2 weeks if you finish it in a couple of days, but what kind of books get finished in that time period and at what length?

What are you reading?

joshawesome — Sun, 25 May 2008 01:03:15

I've become a huge fan of our local library. I've been checking out around ten books a week or so. That means that my book list is dwindling. Although I'm slowly building up my list through GoodReads.com.

I'm determined to break my reading record for a year, which tops out at 502 a couple of years ago. At the time, I included books I had to read for school and most of these were what people consider "classics".

Currently I'm reading the following:

Dispatches from The Edge - Anderson Cooper
The Audacity of Hope - Barack Obama
Child 44 - Tom Rob Smith
Ghost: A Novel - Alan Lightman
Armageddon in Retrospect - Kurt Vonnegut
Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Foer

So, what is everyone reading? Or what have you read recently that sticks out or you thought was particularly good?

Favourite Sci-fi and/or Fantasy Authors

ldragon — Thu, 22 May 2008 14:39:34

I know this question is pretty loaded and over-used, but I've always stuck to my few authors, on really venturing beyond them on recommendation. My reading piles are pretty small at the moment, having polished off a good few books recently, so I'd like to see the authors you all come up with :)

For me, my favourite author of the moment has to be one Iain Banks. I've read almost all of his books, including his short story collection, and his ability to bring something original to the genre is unparalled, judging from the other stuff I've read in my young years. Also, for different reasons, Douglas Adams' books are never a dull read :).

In terms of fantasy, even though I don't read a lot of it, I've recently taken to the epics of Terry Goodkind, read about 3 of his books now, completely engrossing, lost a few good afternoons to them. And of course Terry Pratchett's Discworld is always fun. Joe Abercrombie is someone I've had my eye on recently, I've read most of his books, he gots a very natural gift for weaving a raw, powerful story. I particularly liked Before They Are Hanged, part 2 of the First Law Trilogy, gobbled that up in no time. (Incidentally, just realized the last book is out, just ordered it off Amazon :p)

All contributions are welcome :)

Didnt realise there was no Books category, so I put this in the writing section for now :P

Adventures In Type

shadowsun7 — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:39:19

I just love this slideshow: 5 books that play around with type in very surprising ways. Uber creative, much?

Silence

Gnorb — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:37:16

It's quiet here. Too quiet. And silence... well, silence is deadly. Don't believe me?

Corpus Cristy, Texas: A man came home to discover his dogs, cats and children have all been deafened. "Silence," they cried. "Silence was deafening!" Creepy thing to hear, especially from a cat. Their words scared the man, frightened him mute.

He was unable to talk, so he couldn't report it to police. Instead, he just went on with life, best he could, doing nothing but being silent, hearing nothing but his family's silence.

And it drove him mad.

Silence drove him mad.

There he was, in the passenger's seat, silence at the wheel, angering the man at each sharp turn.

By the time he returned home, silence had grown. It now filled his house. It was suffocating! And soon thereafter, the man died. He died of silence-related asphyxiation, as did his kids, his dogs, and cats. The only survivor was the lowly hamster, whose name police never learned.

But I did.

His name was silence.

(Alright, now its your turn. Explain why no one commenting on Chawlk for 4+ hours is a bad thing.)

Is it really true that poets die earlier? Im freaked!!

moonshadows — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:46:13

A poem to lighten the day(maybe not hahha)

This world is twisted.
Filth,scum,black scum squeamishly
squelching out of its heaving pores
gasping for breath it never seems to get enough
of oh city life, urban times
night life flashes neon and dry blinding ur eyes
tall skyscrapers never fail to mesmerize
stress in thick cups of coffee strewn over the garbage bin
filled to the brim with its kindred
newspapers deplore injustice, condemns the wrong
when just next door past repeats itself
another homeless person, innocent of sins
kicked out on the porch by cigar wielding demon in smart suit,
moustache bristling... yelling " Vermin, filth!"
absently wiping his big brass knuckled Gucci shoes on the carpet,
soot and flour never mixed and so did class.

Ever felt like your pants were falling off?

moonshadows — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:08:40

Im a 19 year old law female student and I love to write bigtime...But my problem is I express well only when I'm writing about things that trouble me, that rouse this intense fire in me. I can't being myself to write a structured sort of story involving a plot. For example one of my journal entries include:
"I think im sarcastic because I'm so scared of being hurt of being prodded n poked.I've willingly given away the key to my heart and most people have misused it. I have LET them misuse it...Instead of seeing my courage they saw my weakness. They exploited what i gave them, laid my heart all raw and bleeding at their dirt grimed feet. I'm not from this world. I must have been dropped off by the stork at the wrong place.I should have been born in another world more in tune with my being...a world of living music and precious meanings and innuendos all meshed in throbbing life. A world that felt real; that u could connect to with more than just your five senses. Imagine a world where you cud FEEL and hear a tree growing; the moon whispering celestial secrets to those who would listen like willing children huddled around a grandmother narrating folklore."

I don't know how to channel that energy into writing a particular genre...A complete story no matter how short with a beginning, body, end and lively characters. Any suggestions? Do tell me. I would appreciate it greatly!

What Stirs In A Poet's Mind?

dieseldelicious — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 03:55:44

I was reading people's opinion on why a number of poet's often live abstract, lonely lives. I was intrigued by the topic simply because I am a poet, and I too have always felt a little seperated (and sometimes disconnected) from the world around me. And it's not as if it prevents me from developing solid relations with people around me, but I do feel alone most of the time.
Below is one of the responses to the forum I was reading on this subject:
"I think that it's having a higher level of intellect and social awareness that inevitably leads such people into seclusion, since the masses only appreciate intelligence in small doses and don't have a problem in believing what they're told without questioning authority. Creative people are usually thinkers and seek knowledge through research and the pursuit of self education, whether it be institutional or initiated by their personal inbred curiosity and relentlessly pursued. Since they tend to think outside of the 'box', they are generally loners if they don't instinctively and inherently feel alone due to the fact that the majority of people tend to be non thinkers like sheep following the flock giving in to trends, peer pressure and 'the united way."

What is YOUR opinion on the life of a poet? Why do YOU think that poet's often live lonely lives? Do you disagree with the aligation?

Looking for creative challenge(s). Give me opening sentences!

leliathomas — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:40:48

I've been in a writing mood lately (see here, if you like creative writing--SHAMELESS PLUG OF GLORY), but I feel like doing something a bit different from the norm. So, my 9rules guys and gals, if you would be so kind, give me opening sentences to begin stories with!

In your replies, please include your name and a website address if you have one. I'll attribute you for the opening bit on my website.

No guarantees of superb quality, but I'll give it a go. If you hate what I create with your opening sentence, feel free to curse me. My writing is not genre-specific, so expect anything. I do, however, have a bit of a passion for science fiction and drama.

Thanks to anyone who takes part. :)

Quofda: Why don't you read more books?

Scrivs — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:31:08

Today's Quofda asks a question that I ask myself a ton and of course the quick answer is "not enough time", but that is a copout. There isn't a enough time for a reason and I have to think if that reason is more important than sitting down with a nice book.

I think my problem is when I read a book I usually do it in large chunks of time, but what is to stop me from enjoying a read for 30 minutes to an hour? I can definitely find time in my day to fit in those increments. So why don't I read more books? I don't make it a priority to do so.

Finding A Literary Agent

dieseldelicious — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:14:33

I have been working on writing a book of poetry for the last couple of years now, and I need some advice on how to find a trustworthy, legit literary agent. Anyone have any good resources or tips?

Penguin's ARG/Writing Project

shadowsun7 — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 18:46:43

I don't know if you've heard of this, but Penguin's gone and posted up a series of highly experimental online stories. I've finished the first and am following the 2nd, and I'm still hunting down the 7th, hidden story (there are clues in each of them pointing to its location). We Tell Stories is cool because it's written in non-linear form, it makes use of Twitter, and it's got ARG elements (watch out for clues).

PS: click the rabbit.

PPS: I'm afraid all the phone numbers are in the UK. They include instructions to go certain places and look at certain things. Urgh. Can some Britons help out, please?

Arthur C. Clarke Dies @ 90

RightOn — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:36:32

Sir Arthur Clarke died of a cardio-respiratory attack in his home in Sri Lanka.

I read a lot of his works in Middle/High School... alongside Isaac Asimov. My favorite thing about the guy was his ability to predict technologies based on logical progression of scientific knowledge. It's what made his "fiction" so real.

You will be missed.

Arthur C. Clarke Dies At 90

Kamigoroshi — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 07:30:31

One of my favourite authors passed away today. I was raised on his books especially the 2001 Space Odyssey series and Rama. His books may be a little deep and long winded but I grew up loving all things science on novels like his.

May he rest in peace.

Help with Tuesdays with Louie

ksyocum — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 05:16:09

Not sure that I am in the correct community, but I started a project that may be over my head. I am an artist not a writer and I have started to log in posts on my squidoo lens, Tuesdays with Louie.

Would anyone recommend an additional way to write this that may be a better format? Has anyone actually published their own book online?

Sandy

Contributions for an upcoming magazine, "Touchstone"

indranil — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 17:29:00

Hello everyone,

We are preparing to launch a web magazine in the near future named "Touchstone". This is not just any other magazine you come across online. We hope to see Touchstone break through the upper echelons of the literary world and carve out its own niche.

However, in order for us to garner a respectable readership, we require contributions from the best writers of contemporary literature.

Therefore, we ask each and every writer who form 9rules, or visit this site regularly, to please help us by contributing something for Touchstone.

While at the beginning, we are unable to pay contributors anything more than our deepest regards, we hope to soon have a business model which will help us pay writers for their contribution.

We have decided to launch the first issue of Touchstone for writers and readers alike across the world tentatively in May.

Being writers ourselves, we know the importance of retaining control over your work we create. Contributors to Touchstone will retain full copyright of their original work. Touchstone will fully acknowledge writers for their original work.

Touchstone is a larger than life dream, where we are hoping to reach across to anyone who is original, creative and offbeat in their own individual way. For a brief introduction on what the magazine aims to do, please visit http://dawnstudios.com/touchstone/.

Thank you.

Warmest regards
Indranil

Favorite New Word

bloglily — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:44:38

Mine is numerate! Isn't that a great word? When used as an adjective, it basically means to be literate with numbers. I just wish I could figure out how to use it, not being particularly numerate myself. (And when I remember whose blog I discovered that word on, I'll add a link.)

What's the new word you use -- or would like to use -- the most these days?

Writing A Book: A Beginners Guide

themikehaynes — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 23:58:53

I'm not exactly the best person to be writing a book but I have an idea that I just haven't been able to shake out of my head. This is going to sound like a pretty open question but does anyone have any suggestions on how exactly I can gather my thoughts, separate my idea into chapters and ultimately fill a 200 or so page book?

Any sort of thoughts on the matter would be greatly appreciated. I understand that I'm not being very direct with my question but I literally have no idea where to go with this idea. I just feel like I have to make it happen.

Poetry Showcase

Clarkey — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:53:13

I'm a new guy around here and as a bit of an ice breaker I thought it might be good to share some verse between us.

I write for fun, I make no claim about my standard and I would love to read what other people have to offer.

For this poem I got interested in the phrase "My significant other", denoting a partner, and got to thinking "What is an insignificant other?" The answer I came up with was a secret admirer.

Secret Admirer.

And with every beat of my heart I would love you
lest you be forsaken in this cruel world
For like the smallest flame in the darkest light
I would dance upon your tune
and bring you warmth each winters night

For whilst the ocean holds your tears
and the wind your every breath
I would consume each gentle word
and explore your every depth

So on this, our summers day
as field and forest sway
Know that with every root
and every branch of every tree
I would hold you

Be not forsaken, be not alone
and if but to place a name
know me always as
insignificantly yours.

Writer's Podcasts... and a cry for help

voodoofish — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:18:30

As a long time lurker on 9rules I thought I might ask a favour and perhaps provoke a discussion at the same time. I am a writer based in the UK, my first book (a collection of Flash Fiction called 'Dial M For Monkey') was published in 2006 and I regularly post stories on my site as well as recently adding a podcast of me reading some of those stories.

As if this wasn't enough I am nominated for a North East Digital Award (UK) in the Best Podcasting Campaign category. It's not a cash prize or anything like that but it is voted for by the public so I was hoping some of you guys might go across to my site www.adammaxwell.com and listen and vote - you don't need to register and it only takes a second, there's a banner on every page...

Secondly I was wondering - what are you favourite writer's podcasts or podcasts about writing? Mainstream authors don't seem to have jumped on this opportunity yet - or have they and I just don't know about it? What sort of thing do you or would you like to hear in a writer's podcast? My site features some advice for writers - is that something you would be interested in? (even if it isn't from me!!)

Thanks for letting me bend your ears and I look forward to reading your responses.
Adam Maxwell
www.adammaxwell.com

Adverbs: Friend Or Foe?

shadowsun7 — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 10:44:34

I know it's been said since time immemorial that adverbs are not a friend of the writer. For many reasons: they can weaken the verb by repeating its meaning, they lengthen the sentence, and they complicate am already long sentence.

I've recently been involved in a debate against an influential web writer who supports adverbial usage. She has recently done a post defending her use of an adverb in one of her blog novels/blooks - and I couldn't agree with her advice. I don't really know why. I do believe, however, that the warning against adverbs is substantiated.

Her argument is basically:

Adverbs have their use because it gives more detail to the audience -> writers avoid adverbs because they have been taught to do so without questioning why -> therefore 'beware-the-adverb' spreads everywhere amongst unquestioning writers/editors.

She describes adverbial usage as 'precise, poetic, and helpful (to understand a difficult verb)'.

Eh?

Online solution to my writing snippet overload?

leliathomas — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 09:26:14

I suppose I'm like every writer, in that I write a lot of snippets before I ever come to a story. I keep all of the snippets, though, of course, as they sometimes become useful in the future. The problem with this is that it's very hard to organize Word documents which consist of only a few paragraphs at most, be that a story scene or idea.

So I'm looking for some sort of online solution, maybe a wiki or something. I want to be able to save all of these snippets and also be able to search them via tag functionality.

I'm sure there's something out there that either (a) exists solely for this purpose or (b) can be used for this, and I just don't know about it and/or am not thinking of it.

Recommendations?

Backstage with Beth and Trina

trevorlee_nc — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:00:43

just wanted to share with everyone a book I got for during one of the Christmas party gift exchanges...

http://www.bethandtrina.com/

The book is awesome, a literature marvel, even all the words are spelled right, I think...

If you've ever wanted to know about backstage life at a Rock Concert, then this book is for you...

COMPLETE, with scratch and sniff

Hardcover too!

Overcoming the mental block inside yourself.

Seigen — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:53:27

I see my self as a writer, because I write. I wouldn’t say that I would be good at writing novels, or even short stories, but I am a writer. I recently was asked how I came up with my story lines, and it caught me off guard that I never really thought of it. I believe I could e a novelist if I really wished too, but what I might not lack in skill. I think I still need to grow in mental support.

I know that there are many writers out there that have excellent talent, and do not do anything because the mental strain of completing the story. I fall in to that category I believe, but I recently asked my self why am I there.

I am saying this because I really want to know some of the tips you all have to help overcome the mental block that prevents so many great works from being created. I am getting over it, but still I haven’t put a definition to how I am doing it. There is no set trick that I used to get over it. I just simply did, and now I am trying to complete my dream. I wonder if other people find themselves in the same situation, and I wonder what they did to overcome it.

I still wonder what I did to do it, and that is the question I am posing to those that read this. What triggers that step from procrastination to ongoing drive to complete? I don’t know my self, but would love to see if anybody could tell me what triggered it in them.

Movies Better than the Novel?

Bartoneus — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:33:19

Kami said it, and Ozone suggested a seperate thread about it, so here it is:

Lord of the Rings had the movie being better than the book. We all have to admit that.

Discuss?

To the Writers: Do You Do Writing Exercises?

Scrivs — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 12:44:32

As mentioned previously, I'm working on a book and part of it involves me doing writing exercises to expand how I put things to paper. One of the exercises I have started to do is get a topic that I usually wouldn't even consider writing about and start writing. Just now I asked Mike for a topic and went on a rant about Perez Hilton and bloggers. Some other exercises I would like to try over the next couple of weeks are:

Writing for X amount of time straight without stopping. This might involve lots of incoherent parts, but the idea is to never stop.
Writing about food and meals I love.
Writing about memorable moments in each grade of school I went through.
Writing about physical pleasures that I have encountered with members of the opposite sex (oooooo raunchy).
Writing more about family.

I am only a writer by definition because I write, but I know there are professionals out there so what type of exercises do you do to keep fresh and always pushing forward?

evolution of type/language

koopdoggedawg — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:01:07

if you had to create something which showed the evolution of type, what would it look like and why?

i picture it starting off in latin/greek and ending up in chatroom logos etc

Why no love for the answers.com writing challenge?

lqz — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 06:03:02

Answers.com is at it again with a new writing challenge. I participated in the past, but won't this time around because I have other things I should do.

I like the idea of the challenge myself. I think it is good to work within someone else's restrictions some times. The thing is, judging from the reaction that it gets in here, I appear to be the only one. Which brings me to the topic at hand, what is it about the challenge that people around here don't like? Or is it something about answers.com that I do not know?

How Do You Offer/Debate Opinion Without Being Sued?

Ollie — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 15:05:13

Although this Note relates to Formula One, it isn't strictly about the sport, rather than some thoughts on an issue that could have implications further afield.

The FIA are an organisation that, in essence, control Formula One among other motor sports. They are the governing body and work hard at improving safety, passing or updating rules and regulations as well as working within the automobile industry itself, promoting safe driving etc...

However, in my opinion the FIA have lost a lot of respect they once garnered from fans and F1 employees, introducing half-thought measures to control escalating speeds, making poor decisions regarding the investigations and punishments relating to teams who are caught bending the rules and generally getting involved in issues that they really shouldn't be. I would suggest that the majority of F1 fans who are aware of the FIA and its president do not respect the organisation any more.

On Friday, the FIA were given permission to pursue legal action towards the Sunday Times newspaper because of an article published in September 2007. The article was written by one of the sports leading authorities and discusses the issues relating to (at the time) possible sanctions being made towards a high-profile and successful team who were being investigated for obtaining and using confidential data from another team. The article, in my humble opinion, was well-written and simply explains what could happen if certain measures were taken against the offending team. The author also gives possible suggestions as to why the situation had become so important and the implications to the sport as a whole should the worst of punishments be handed out. The title of the column though, is a bit strong.

Fast forward to today and sitting on my right is today's copy of the Sunday Times. Inside, the author of the original article has written again, this time explaining to readers about the possible legal action being made, and how he feels that the FIA are deterring journalists from speaking out against the organisation and its decisions. However, not feeling deterred himself, Brundle asks how the FIA can continue getting away with double-standards relating to their punishment policies. Todays article at TimesOnline.

The author is Martin Brundle, a former participant of the sport and now respected commentator and column writer. As Brundle says in his recent piece, he has "earned the right to have an opinion about the sport". A sport he is indeed, a fan of.

My fear is that Brundle's thoughts are in fact correct, and that writers of Formula One will have to think very carefully about the language they use in the future. Reading the original article again, it is hard to see where the issue lies. The only part of the column that I can see is perhaps a little strong is the title, but within the piece itself Brundle does well to explain his thoughts in an open and honest manner.

While Brundle and The Sunday Times are in a very different league to my little blog, this whole issue has made me think about my writing. I have always tried to offer a balanced view, giving possible arguments for both sides in a situation like this, but also attempting to offer my own opinion. After all, how boring would online media/commentary be if nobody gave their opinion? But it seems, at the moment at least, speaking your mind, despite how intelligently and fair you do it, is considered wrong in the eyes of those who assume control of the topic at hand.

I appreciate that this Note doesn't really do much other than explain some concerns I have and offer some details into a scenario that is rapidly spiraling into the twilight zone. But I felt I should share some of my thoughts with a clever bunch of folk. You can read some more of my ramblings on the subject on my site, and if you have an opinion on journalism, its control or even this particular issue, feel free to add your thoughts - I would be interested to learn where others stand on the thorny issue of voicing opinions without being libelous.

How do you write a book?

Scrivs — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 00:40:06

Last year I started working on a book about women (surprise) and I got a couple of the chapters done and would like to return to it and finish it up. This will obviously be my first written work of this size so I am asking those of you who have written books how do you go about it. As simple as it sounds I only realize now that I never created an outline to guide me and just simply began to wing it, which in hindsight was probably not the best approach for this type of book.

Also, have any of you tried an interactive writing approach where you publish part of the work online before it is published to receive feedback?

13 Raccoons In the Kitchen: A True Story

wrttnwrd — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 09:03:48

I'm thinking about submitting this somewhere. I just can't figure out where. I'd appreciate any opinions:

In 1999, I had a sinus infection. It felt like Bruce Willis was shoving icicles into my forebrain like a scene out of Die Hard 2.

That, in itself, isn't important. Nor is the fact that the doctor gave me a prescription for Tylenol with Codeine.

What matters, though, is how these two bits of trivia caused me to lose a battle of wits with a herd of raccoon home invaders.

My wife and I lived in a nice little ranch house in West Seattle. It had a cheery suburban lawn and a wraparound deck marred only by two withered rhododendrons and a long-haired cat named Poe who would attack any four-legged creature that came within a quarter mile of the house. My other cat, Bradbury, was more inclined to sleep and ignore Poe.

These two cats came and went using a large cat flap cut into our front door. It was large to accommodate Poe - her long fur hid a protein-fed hulk: Her steady diet of cat food was supplemented by birds, rats, mice, rabbits, squirrels and anything else that didn't get away fast enough. Poe weighed in at about 15 pounds, all of it sweetness and love to humans (she practically raised my daughter) and utter malice for anything else.

The size of the cat flap turned out to be our undoing.

In February of 1999, Poe woke my wife and I with a bobcat-style scream as she crouched on the foot of our bed. Once my heart started beating again, I looked down the hall and saw an enormous, unidentified furry butt disappearing through the cat door.

Hmmmm, I thought. That is one obese cat.

Thinking nothing of it, I went back to sleep. The next morning, I noticed the cats' food dish was empty, and saw little prehensile footprints all around the kitchen. It was then I realized that our invader was a raccoon, not a cat.

For the next few nights, we had the same routine. At 2-3 AM, Poe would shriek, and I'd see a raccoon casually squeezing its absurdly fat body out the door.

Then I developed my sinus infection. My wife was out of town, so I drugged myself into a stupor each night to keep Bruce Willis away.

One morning around 4:30 AM, though, Poe kicked up such a fuss that she penetrated the Codeine fog, and I woke up.

OK, I figured, I'll go scare off that raccoon once and for all.

I threw on a robe and slumped down the hall. When I got to the kitchen, I saw two raccoon faces peering at me. Their mammalian jaws dropped in shock, and they bolted out the door.

I turned, satisfied with a job well done, and started to head back to bed. But Poe kept yowling. Assuming there was a single straggler, I went into the kitchen and turned on the light.

There were raccoons everywhere.

I kid you not. There were 11 more raccoons. They were sitting in chairs, up on the window sills, and crowded around the cats' food and water dishes. The ones around the food dishes were carefully lifting individual kibbles out of the food bowl, rinsing them in the water dish, and then greedily slurping up the mushy mess.

For a moment I stood, stunned. This couldn't be right. I'm the ruler of my house, dammit. This is my castle. No half-rodent army could have gotten past my impregnable defenses.

I rubbed my eyes and shook my head. The raccoons remained.

Then, one raccoon that was squatting on the kitchen table noticed me. It reared up on its hind legs and chittered at me. It was either saying "Die, furless two-legged oppressor!" or "Hey, thanks for the food, man!". I'm not sure which.

I grabbed a nearby water bottle and squirted the ambassador right in the face.

That, in retrospect, was damned poor judgment. The talkative little fellow tumbled backwards off the table, right into his larcenist friends that were huddled around the cat food bowl. Total pandemonium ensued. All of the raccoons immediately realized the jig was up. They also realized I was between them and the cat door. Their escape was cut off!

The raccoons on the chairs leapt onto the windowsills. The raccoons on the windowsills tried to climb higher by grabbing the top of the window, but managed only to slam the windows shut and fall onto their friends.

In the mean time, the two buggers I'd already shooed out had walked around the outside of the house and were peering in through the glass back door, as if to warn their friends: "Dudes, we're busted. Run!"

It took the mob about 10 seconds to go from a group of happy diners to a furry pile of panicked felons, piled up as far from me as possible. They squirmed about, making weird little growling noises that sounded like my stomach after too many Kit Kats. Adding to the chaos was Poe, who chose this moment to stand bravely behind me and scream her lungs out.

After a few moments, I gathered my wits and managed to herd the masked bandits out the front door. You could hear their little claws as they sauntered down the deck and into the alleyway behind my house, then the dogs barking frantically as the procession crept to the next feed station.

I know this wasn't an hallucination, by the way. The next morning, I found little paw prints on all our cabinets and the kitchen floor.

To this day, when my neighbors see me and quickly look away, I wonder if they're in a rush, or if they remember seeing me through the windows of our house, clapping my hands and yelling "get out" at nothing they could see, while my pupils dilated to the size of dinner plates.

Epilogue:

The raccoons weren't done. 3 days later, I opened the front door to get the morning paper. Two of the little freaks were on the front lawn, watching a third, who took one look and walked right by me into the house. Even Bradbury, my other, mellower cat, found this so disturbing he opened one eye.

I yelled at it. I waved newspapers at it. I even went so far as to nudge it with my foot. It stubbornly sat in the living room and refused to move.

I finally grabbed a broom and literally rolled him out the door. He glared at me reproachfully as I slammed the door and locked the cat flap. I hyperventilated. Bradbury went back to sleep.

We had a few more raccoon incidents. None came close to the 13 Raccoon Incident, though. A few years later, my wife finally got me to get rid of the cat door.

Vernor Vinge Releases "Rainbows End" Online

hthth — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 02:51:12

Vernor Vinge recently released his science fiction novel Rainbows End online for free. I'm sure some of you will appreciate knowing where to find it. I haven't read it myself yet, but it's on my to-read list.

An editorial review by Bookmarks Magazine on Amazon:

A multiple Hugo Award-winning author (A Fire Upon the Deep; A Deepness in the Sky) and former professor of mathematics at San Diego State University, Vernor Vinge writes as if he's spent some time in 2025. This novel's setting, contemporary with the author's Fast Times at Fairmont High, is one of instantaneous technology where accomplished hackers wield profound influence. Reviewers applaud Vinge's avoidance of science-fiction traps like information dumps and rootless "techno-bedazzlement" in favor of emotional storylines and plausible—and sometimes frightening—insights into where technology is moving humanity.

Read "Rainbows End" -- and has anybody read it already?