It has recently been brought to my attention that my son is getting up there in age and I have not yet had "the talk" with him. A bit more background here. I honestly don't know where or how to begin.
What do you think? How would you approach it? Have you had the talk with your child yet? How do you think you did?
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6 Comments
Scrivs
Written May. 30, 2008 / Report /
Well I don't have any kids of my own, but I remember when my mom had the talk with me, it was brief and to the point. I remember seeing how awkward she felt, but how much more awkward I felt about it so your son will probably be in the same boat. Seeing how he is only 12 though I'm not sure of how aware he is of doing such things with the ladies so maybe it is too early to rush into it.
But then again you know how kids are today...
Tyme
Written Jun. 1, 2008 / Report /
Although female, I can give some tips. :)
I always have honest discussions with my kids about sex. I can tell you that if they sense you are unconformable the child will become uncomfortable.
Just talk to him. You mentioned he has crushes. Take some one-on-one time with him, forget about the parent/son thing and just talk. I'm sure he already knows penis goes into vagina. Where he might be lacking is how to talk to a girl, how to know if a girl likes him, how to interact with a girl. Is he shy? You can start off with topics like that and lead into sex.
joshawesome
Written Jun. 1, 2008 / Report /
I don't have kids, but I do have younger sisters. My parents refuse to talk about sex, in a serious way, with them. As a result, my sisters often come to me with their questions. To be honest, it's a bit awkward, but my awkwardness doesn't really mean anything if talking to them about their questions means that they are going to be prepared and all that.
Like Tyme said, start off with something not relating to sex, and slowly build up to it. I did this with my sisters and now they just walk up to me and ask me a sex related question right from the start. Once in awhile, they'll ask me something that I either don't know or shocks me. If I don't know, I look it up myself, and if it shocks me, I'll tell them and explain it.
I showed them how to put a condom on a banana once. I figure if they knew that, they wouldn't have an excuse when whoever they were having sexual relations with didn't. My youngest sister is 13, and while she isn't sexually active yet, a lot of her friends are and some of her friends have even had kids already, so them being prepared is important.
Kamigoroshi
Written Jun. 1, 2008 / Report /
Asian parents never really do have "the talk", instead leaving us to our own devices. But my parents in their infinite wisdom left me with science, medical and "other" book and materials. By the time I was 12, I had long understood what sex was as a reproductive and pleasurable act.
I think they tried to give me the talk when I was 16 but they were still too embarrassed. Of course, knowing and being responsible for it are two different things. Some mistakes still make and it does haunt you at the back of your mind.
reign4aday
Written Jun. 5, 2008 / Report /
Thank you for the feedback. The consensus seems to be, be direct and sure. This is what brought me here.
Now I am planning to set up a father son day. Have a bit of fun, talk about various things. I think I am going to ease him and myself into it. I was aware that this will be the first talk of possibly many. I am not scared, I just don't want to spook him. I have a habit of being too direct sometimes.
I learned that any awkwardness he might feel may be a result of my own malaise. Didn't even think about demonstrating proper condom use and a discussion about other methods of birth control might be in order, possibly as part of one to the subsequent talks. In one of my comments the subjects of peer pressure, the gravity of sex and being prepared and emotionally equipped to deal with the act.
I am also going to see about getting him some reading material and encourage him to seek out additional material.
No one had this talk with me. My mother's attempt to educate my little brother was purchasing a economy box of Trojans and being like "Here!" I see too many confusing messages in our lives. If I am confused by some of the adult behavior, I can imagine what he feels.
I believe I am ready. I just wanted to see how my ideas of what I wanted to discuss with him differed from those of others. I didn't want to be like Scrivs mom. I might have been direct and to the point but my awkwardness would have come afterwards. I would have felt as though the conversation was incomplete. I am ready though. It's been a long time coming.
I truly do appreciate you guys giving me your feedback. I will keep you guys posted.
Scrivs
Written Jun. 5, 2008 / Report /
You definitely sound confident and I like the approach. Best of luck.