Dating: The Duds and The Awesome
Written By joshawesome on Aug. 6, 2008.
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I'm not sure if I've really posted anything about how I broke up with the girl I was dating, but that was awhile ago. She was awesome. Now, she's a dud. Let me explain what's been going on lately.
I broke up with this girl because I didn't really have time to date. I had just started a new job and I was working overtime and barely had time to eat and sleep on top of working. Besides that, we were just at completely different places in our lives and before our feelings grew stronger, I decided we just needed to break it off. We remained friends and would talk once in awhile, I would hang out with her during cookouts and the like. Things were fine.
I meet internet crush girl. She lives in NYC, I am moving there, so it seemed like a natural thing that I would want to meet people in NYC. I post an ad on craigslist for friends, internet crush girl responds. Now, I'm not ready to jump into anything, but I'm definitely interested in her.
One night, I go to a friends house for a cookout, the ex is there, she asks me out. I just happen to be texting internet crush girl. I don't want to date her. I like her but I've had time to realize what I want and what I don't want in a person and out of a relationship. On top of that, I'm leaving. I say that I can't and she asks me why, I tell her, stupidly, that I've started to see someone else. I later come clean about this but at the time she assumed that I was texting the person I was "dating".
Fast forward: After trying to figure out if internet crush girl is into me at all (she is) I decide that I want to ask her out. Problem: We live eight hours apart so dating, at this point in time, is out of the question.
My friends have been trying to set me up with a girl, one in particular. I go to open mic night with my friends and this girl. She gets plastered, I play a song, she is clingy all night, says how I'm a nice guy, how she usually dates assholes, and wants me to come back to her place. Um, no thank you. I mean, I only spent about two hours with her and she wants to take me back to her place? Please. I'm easy, but not that easy. (That's really a lie)
So, technically that wasn't a date. This past Friday, I go out with some friends. At the first bar we go to I meet hot bartender girl. I'm not initially attracted to her because she's hot but because she's wearing a High School Musical t-shirt. Somehow she gets my number and texts me the next day. We chat over the weekend and then Monday while at work I decide to ask her if she wants to grab dinner with me. This is not a date, but a "date".
I hurry home after work, grab my cell, wash my hair again, and get to her place to pick her up. I'm five minutes early. I wait for 30 minutes while she gets ready. That annoys me. We go to dinner. She insists on telling me how she dates assholes and how all her past boyfriends have been jerks.
Observations
- People around here are not normal. All they do is talk about how many jerks they've dated and how they wish they could meet a guy they could settle down with. Um, dude. It's not even really a date so why are you telling me this?
- I've tried dating people I meet in real life before and none of them ever stuck. The only people I've had, relative, success dating are the people I meet online.
So my question. How do I decide, before I ask someone out, if they are a dud or if they are awesome? I don't know if you realize, but I'm horrible, I mean really horrible, at figuring out girls. It took me almost two months to figure out internet crush girl liked me.
Scrivs
Written Aug. 6, 2008 / Report /
Lost me a second there. But then you said this...
That makes more sense.
Anyways to answer your question it's really simple. If you don't feel anything you don't even date the person. Otherwise you go for it, you don't know if they are a dud or not. You just do it if you have any feelnigs about them to see how it is. Your first girl was awesome then a dud you say, you just moved on.
Everyone wastes their time trying to figure out if someone asks them when you can just ask them usually. Most times if you have to figure it out then they don't from my experience. Make a move and if they respond accordingly you are good to go. Problem is everyone fears rejection or making a fool of themselves so nothing happens.
Kamigoroshi
Written Aug. 6, 2008 / Report /
You don't. That's why you go out with them.
Then again, when chatting them up, you usually do get a feeling whether they work well with you or not. Your experience in having women talk about how the men they've dated are jerks and all that. I go through that with almost every single girl I chat up. Even if I'm not on a date, it happens.
I've deduced that this is due to the nature of how I portray myself to be. It's not that it's bad or anything and I've learned to just listen. I do get the idea that women do this on their own whim because they want someone to talk to who'd listen. If I can do that, then why not?
Going back to your problem. I guess it's a matter of one moment at a time. If you get along with the person today, go ahead at it the next day and so on so forth. Keep doing that until you hit a bump on the road. If it can be fix and you think it's worth fixing, then fix it. If not, regrettably take your leave and move on.
You can't figure whether you good with a person one day. The best you can do is understand what it is in yourself that requires you to look for in another person. The rest is about discovering it from there.