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When men don't show emotion isn't it the same as when men call women out for saying "nothing" when something is wrong?

No because when you say "nothing" we know there is something wrong. We can hide emotion and you not know anything. We can be crying inside and you wouldn't know so it isn't the same thing. With men it can be harder with emotions simply because we were raised to be men, which almost brings the implication that real men don't cry, etc.

Hell, most times women like to make up in their heads that something is wrong with us and we have to make up some emotion just to satsify their needs.

No because when you say "nothing" we know there is something wrong. We can hide emotion and you not know anything. We can be crying inside and you wouldn't know so it isn't the same thing.

Actually let's kill that myth. Men could be crying inside and the woman knows it but she can't acknowledge it because:

1) She's not suppose to know.
2) If she asks he says he's fine.
3) Respecting his wishes.

If a woman has a connection with a man (or vice versa) she will know, without him saying a word, something is wrong. She'll sense it because of the connection they share. Seriously, how do guys know something is wrong? They sense it. Multiply that by 100 and that is how a woman knows something is wrong. Ironically that can cause a lot of problems because she'll know it, can't do anything about it, get frustrated and the minute the guy does something wrong (and it could be very minor) she pounces. It becomes worse because she can't talk about the thing she's not supposed to know about.

Nothing wrong with the woman crying with the man or possibly, if the guy said something maybe together they'd fix it so there would be no tears at all.

And vice versa with the woman saying "nothing".

Hell, most times women like to make up in their heads that something is wrong with us and we have to make up some emotion just to satsify their needs.

That is what women say about men, you know that right?

Nah with men something could be wrong or something might not be wrong. With women something is always wrong. It's like ladies aren't comfortable unless there is something wrong that needs fixing. In your DNA.

Nah with men something could be wrong or something might not be wrong.

With men it's always something, usually the over-active imagination that something is wrong and trying to figure out what he thinks that is. If the woman takes her cues from the guy it throws everything off. He's trying to figure what is wrong when nothing is wrong yet she knows something is wrong with him and there is - him thinking there is something wrong when there isn't.

And that felt so deja-vuish typing that.

Men have emotions?

I had to give you points for that one. I read that and cracked up laughing. :)

I think it's much more simple that that. Men don't show their emotions because men are incapable of dealing with emotions, both theirs and of other people.

It's an emotional insecurity perpetuated by culture for men to bottle things up. The problem with bottling things up is that at the end of it, the frustrations build and lead to some pretty twisted things. So men have grown up not to care perpetuating the "macho" attitude or become sick twisted individuals with serious issues.

That's why I think with men as with women, something is always wrong. It's just that men have grown to just forget about it and put it aside. A form of compartmentalisation of emotions. Men aren't trained to deal with things that they can't deal with. So if it can't be dealt with, it's not important to them, even if it actually is important.

The problem is as you both Scrivs and Tyme demonstrated is what both genders assume about what the other person is feeling. People complicate things and take the empathy of what a person is feeling completely out of context, making the situation worse. So rather than making an ass out of you and me, I've learnt to go with the flow and deal with things as it is.

Then again I've always been the odd one out as a guy who wholly wears his emotions on his sleeve. The good thing about it is that I can be sensitive to what people feel and empathise that. I've always been the shoulder to cry on and a lady's man because of it. The problem is that being a guy, I've yet to deal with the emotional insecurity made worse by being open about it. For women at least, they are generally comforted by their female peers. Emotional men generally throw people off with a defying stereotype, you don't expect many men to run to someone when they are down. But I do, I just don't have anyone who'd receive me the same way my female friends do when they are down. That creates a whole new screwed up in so many ways for me.

Being serious now.

I think the quoted part of the article there is pretty spot on. A lot of people turn themselves into machines inadvertently, and that does not make for a happy life. It might be a good mechanism to deal with a crisis temporarily, but not for the long run.

With men it's always something, usually the over-active imagination that something is wrong and trying to figure out what he thinks that is. If the woman takes her cues from the guy it throws everything off. He's trying to figure what is wrong when nothing is wrong yet she knows something is wrong with him and there is - him thinking there is something wrong when there isn't.

I don't think it's fair to assign that situation to men. It's shared... and common. I think it's just indicative of insecurity. Either not knowing each other well, or not communicating nearly well enough.

In my hood you don't show emotions unless you are wearing a skirt...or kilt.

People complicate things and take the empathy of what a person is feeling completely out of context, making the situation worse.

You said it much better than I did. I've experienced that where, once I found out what was really going on, I was truly puzzled how it got to that point.

I think it's just indicative of insecurity. Either not knowing each other well, or not communicating nearly well enough.

Communication is important. Amazing how people talk but not necessarily about the "important" things.

In my hood you don't show emotions unless you are wearing a skirt...or kilt.

The burbs can do that to you, yo.

I am a robot.

Some people might think that because I was born a girl I have a firmer grasp on my emotions. That's not true, not by far. I've written about this very thing on my blog not too long ago. I wouldn't say that I was pressured by our culture or society to bottle up my emotions. I would say, however, that while growing up, I was surrounded by people who didn't know how to deal with emotions and so I learned to ignore them.

I would also say that because I never learned how to deal with complicated emotions, when I was faced with a hurtful situation, instead of learning from it, I pushed it further away. Anything other than "nothing" is a complicated emotion to me.

This has impacted my relationships with the people I've dated, my friends, and my family.

For a really long time I was convinced that if people didn't know the real me and I never let anyone "in", then I wouldn't get hurt and I could just live my life feeling "nothing".

Over the course of the past three months, I've learned otherwise and I've made attempts, slowly, to become more open about my issues and feelings. Being vulnerable, or even human, isn't such a bad thing. You'd be surprised how fulfilling and exciting life can be when you feel at your most vulnerable. At least for me it is, since I lived my life as a robot.

@Joshawesome: It's always about culture and how you grew up. I've known women in my life that show no emotion and say what they mean, when they mean it. There are exceptions to the rule but I say they can't be the who they truly are if their life experiences didn't help it along. It's always refreshing to know people like this and truthfully I make it a point to get to know them better...usually them ending up as good friends or people I've dated or both.

I am learning though how to be more of the machine that I love. Being vulnerable or rather being emotional, often means that we put what we feel above what's needed to be done. I think for the most part, a lot of people fail in this where it counts, even men.

Not everyone is ready to handle the full brunt of what a person can feel. Not anger, frustration or every negative emotion that's out there. I think it's hypocritical when a person says they want to someone to tell them how they feel...and then can't accept it when they realize it's not what they expected.

This has impacted my relationships with the people I've dated, my friends, and my family.

I realized in a conversation I had last night that this is what doomed me in past relationships...having to deal with what happened in the guys past. Most of my friends are male and I noticed they hide emotions and try to manage what the females in their life knows (I'm surrounded by that type of behavior). The problem is the female usually figures it out and it makes it 1000x worse if they try to hide (which ends up being a lie) something. It's almost insulting. Talking to someone that dumps thoughts at an unbelievable rate last night made me realize how many of the guys I know are the complete opposite. I tested it because it was so foreign to me. He talked about work pressures, insecurities, dreams, girls he liked, ones he flipped out over, what's going on in the internet (in his niche). In all those cases he had no problem talking about things that made him happy, hurt him, frustrated him, etc.

I pointed him to this note while we were talking and he said he lost a woman holding back. He never wanted to feel that type of pain again so now he tells it like it is to whoever he is talking to.

Not everyone is ready to handle the full brunt of what a person can feel. Not anger, frustration or every negative emotion that's out there.

That's true but when people hide the "important" things, that is cause for concern. Things they know will impact the other person they claim to care about. Of course some people can't take it but isn't that an indication of a mismatch in personalities?

I can't go back and change things so instead of just sitting here thinking about all the things I could have done differently, I just try to work on the relationships that I do have. I'm not sure about how my friends feel towards me now, but just for me I think I've become a bajillion times closer to them.

As for the girl I'm dating...well that's a more confusing situation. I'm still deeply in love with my ex, and while I can go a whole day without thinking of her now, she's still the first person I think about when something important happens. It's obvious I'm not ready for a relationship, and I'm doing my best not to turn this girl into the "rebound". She's a truly amazing person, way out of my league really. But I've done something with her that I wasn't able to do with any of the previous girls I've dated: let her in.

It's funny how the biggest reason I wanted to start dating again was because of sex but that's the last thing I think about when I'm with her. Instead, we spend a lot of time just hanging out, talking, getting to know each other. I've told her a lot of things I've never been willing to tell anyone else. Mostly, I think this new found openness comes from the uncertainty of the health issues I'm facing, but I also think that it's because I've gained a lot of confidence lately. I'm more comfortable with who I am. Also, after making the same mistake over and over again in relationships, I've finally figured out that if I truly want to be happy in a relationship, I need to not be so afraid. If I don't let a girl in the relationship most certainly won't work. If I do let her in, it can go either way, but at least the reason that it didn't work out won't be because of my lack of openness.

It's funny how the biggest reason I wanted to start dating again was because of sex but that's the last thing I think about when I'm with her. Instead, we spend a lot of time just hanging out, talking, getting to know each other. I've told her a lot of things I've never been willing to tell anyone else.

You're forming a connection - that's cool. I wrote about connections on my site recently. The ones that come out of the blue, totally unexpected, are precious. When there is a strong connection you know there isn't anything to be afraid of (doesn't mean the person won't feel fear). Fear and insecurities are hard to overcome but they have to be in order for the relationship to progress. Letting people in can be hard at first. Scary actually.

That's true but when people hide the "important" things, that is cause for concern. Things they know will impact the other person they claim to care about. Of course some people can't take it but isn't that an indication of a mismatch in personalities?

The problem is, most people do not know what's important to themselves much less know what's important in a relationship. It always appears to me that relationships for a lot of people are a hit and miss thing. They don't know what they want because they can't understand or admit to what they want. So how do you know negative aspects of a persons life isn't important in a relationship?

Taking myself an example. I know my girlfriend cannot handle the explosive stream of emotions that I emit when I'm down. I know this for a fact because she is my complete opposite. She is a machine when it comes to emotions. Insensitive and unyielding without a trace of empathy. I had no choice but to learn to hold the full range of my feelings back from her simply because I know it would make it worse for both of us. Does it imply we're not compatible? No. I've never met someone who compliments my actions so perfectly.

While opening up simply leads us to trusting a person believing that there is no harm in being vulnerable, maybe we forget that people can't necessarily return your trust or even appreciate it in kind.

So maybe being emotional isn't about opening up and spilling everything inside. It's about understanding what emotions are, what they mean to us and what they mean to other people. It's about learning how to deal with it. To strike a balance between letting it out and keeping it in.

To that end, men hide behind their masks, acting cool, never understanding how to deal with their own feelings as well as those of others. It doesn't mean they have to be emo, it just means it's another thing they have to learn how to deal with, not by running away but with a completely different set of ways to fix it.