6 CommentsI have this friend, C, who was once romantically linked with my good friend, J.
J is a no strings attach girl and most of the time, once she get the person she is interested in, she lose interest almost immediately. well, C, unfortunately, was quite in love with her and was super duper heartbroken and depressed when she kinda ended things between them.
i only knew about it when she was on the verge of ending it, and imagine my surprise! well, after ending things, C started to text me and this went on for about a year. about 2 months ago, he started coming out of his depressed shell and got better.
this past month, he has been ignoring me in school and started talking to J like they're best friends again, and i was right beside her during all those times. the worse thing is that he told J that he thinks i'm treating him too good and he's not use to it and that i've changed.
where is the justice in that? i stood by him, albeit there were a few quarrels during his depressed time because i was stuck in the middle with him and J, and this is how he thank me. by saying all that. i dont believe it seriously. when J told me about it, i calmly replied that i will start ignoring him. so he wont be uncomfortable about it.
Tyme
Written Feb. 14, 2008 / Report /
Did you talk to him to confirm he said it? Ask him about it. If it's true, well, he might be saying it because he's still flipped out over your friend (that is no excuse). People do the stupidest things when they are flipped out over someone but it's not love. When true love comes into someone's life the person is stronger (because they have a partner through it all) not weaker. This guy flipped out and tanked. :(
After J told you what he said, does she still continue to hang out with him?
People treat us the way we allow them too. As much as we might care about someone it doesn't do anyone any good to allow oneself to be a doormat. If that's how he is he's the one that lost out in losing a true and loyal friend in you.
I would talk to him to get him side before ignoring him. What if he didn't say it or she's taken what he said out of context?
Jia
Written Feb. 14, 2008 / Report /
i would rule that suggestion out cause he told her in confidence. she told me cause she felt that i should know.
asking him will only result in him being angry at J for telling out.
Dominik
Written Feb. 14, 2008 / Report /
Easier to treat C different without saying why for something he might not have done. People wonder why boys dread their girl's friend? Starting trouble. How would you like it if that happened to you? That's what your note is about right? Instead of talking to you he talked to your friend. C doesn't seem to be the bad guy in your situation. All of the trouble comes from J.
Tyme
Written Feb. 14, 2008 / Report /
When I posed the suggestion there were only two answers:
1) "Yeah, perhaps I should because it would be wrong to condemn someone without talking to them about it" or...
2) "I can't because that would be breaking a confidence".
Shame that J doesn't have that much respect for C's confidence because everything you're getting about him isn't from him, it's from J. And I hope you don't find out later that she has just as much respect for your confidence as she does C's.
C "could" be upset at J for saying something that's not true or breaking his confidence (he should be upset about that) or saying something J knew would hurt you. If you never talk to C one day you'll look back and see that J successfully drove a wedge between the two of you because you never talked to him about it. There are ways to bring it up without directly saying "J told me..." to get a feel where his head is at.
And for the record, J would be one of the first guys I've heard of to tell the woman he's flipped out over that her friend is too good for him and he doesn't deserve it...out of the blue. How do you know C wasn't genuinely saying how much he appreciated you in his life, he didn't deserve the type of support you gave him and he hasn't had someone that caring in his life before? That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing. How do you know that, when telling C these things, J didn't become jealous and try to drive a wedge between the two of you? If she wasn't trying to put some distance between the two of you she wouldn't of told you. She would have told C to not say those things about you and go away.
Anyway...good luck.
@Dominik - Yeah but it happens with guys too.
Jia
Written Feb. 15, 2008 / Report /
i have to agree that there is a possibility that J might get jealous. but she is never someone who does this kinda hurtful things to other people just for her own sake. however, there is always a exception.
C is so confusing. i think i'm going to text him later and ask him. maybe i'll go, "do you think i'm treating you too good and u're not comfortable with it?"
anyway, tyme & dominik. thanks for helping. the reason i post it up here is because i'm sure with the vast members here, i would be able to find my answer, may it be in relationship or anything else... 9rules is always here for you. =D
auburn
Written Feb. 15, 2008 / Report /
I did hear the details, but I'm going to concentrate on the bigger picture here. The issue of 'friendships' between girls. C might be gone out of both your and J's life someday. The relationship between you and your girlfriend probably changes over time, but is invaluable.