Drawar Thread: Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

Vidar — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 04:53:47

you should have just made him a myspace with a template.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

eddie7 — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 03:33:44

how come I am not on Google?

I completed the site a day before the question. I had the explain to them SEO, Spiders etc. I just hate it when that happens. They probably think there's only 10 websites in the world.

on a similar note:
lead: I want a site just like MySpace
me: Okay, whats your budget?
lead: RM300 (about 100 USD), you can do that right?
me: Yeah, only the front page.

I dont mean to be rude, but sometimes they're just out of line. Our job is to design & develop, unless paid more for SEO, submit urls etc. and yet they expect everything in the world.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

sjslovechild — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:01:06

Sometimes a clients ability of self deception is amazing. You can tell when this is happening to yours when their eyes glaze over and they nod their head.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

tilespace — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:57:08

I'm not a designer, I'm a programmer but my favorite convo was more than a few years ago, which coincidentally enough was when I had an epiphany and decided to be a hard ass about deadlines and due dates and whatnot. I tell them how long they have to approve something, if I don't hear from them it's approved and changes are additional billing. I put this in all my contracts and explain, re-explain and then just for good measures explain it again *before* they sign it. Some clients I actually have email me repeating it and stating that they understand it. And, yes, I get blown off by some potential clients but I figure it's saving me hassle and money in the long run by not working with them.

Anyways...

I met with a potential client back before I took the above measures as a "get to know one another" meeting and he wanted to work with me to flesh out the details of his project cuz he really didn't have a clue. Ok, cool. He said he'd get with me in a week when he had all of his thoughts together. Ok, cool. A week came and went and I never heard from him so I sent him an email and left a voicemail touching base. He called me back 2 days later stating that he was going on vacation for 3 weeks and would contact me when he got back. Ok, cool. 3 weeks came and he called and wanted to get together. Ok, cool. We met later that day for lunch and our convo went:

me: hey! how was your vacation?
him: good, good. we had a good time.
me: excellent.
*uncomfortable pause staring at each other*
him: so... what do you have to show me?
me: um i'm sorry?
him: don't tell me you've wasted all this time? i need it finished by the end of the month!
me: i'm sorry but i have no idea what i'm supposed to be building. you never gave me clear direction and we haven't even decided on a price or a deadline yet.
*another uncomfortable pause staring at each other*
him: wait... aren't you Tim?
me: no, Mike.

I paid the bill, got up and left without another word. From then on I've been calling similar potential clients and existing clients "Joseph". Can you guess what this guy's name was? :)

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

SimplyJessica — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 05:30:36

That is SO funny.

And yet, this is why I am losing job satisfaction as a web designer.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

xirclebox — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 05:18:32

"When you said it would be delayed, I didn't think that meant the site would launch late!!!!"

LOL!!!! I have had the same thing happen here on this end. The client wants to change up some of the functionality of the site and does not understand the change in scope will effect the launch date.

You would think they would have a clue seeing as how they build houses and are used to working with in a time frame and tell potential home buyers that changes to the plan will move the completion date back.

I guess they think we snap our fingers and "POOF!!!" instant website.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

cato — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 03:01:32

We have a client who sells his CMS and we do designs and html, and his quotes surprise at least once a week.

i changed this code and now its broken.

Are PNGs cool these days?

Because a cms is capable of unlimited levels [well, ours is] it is always a good idea to have at least 3 or 4 levels on the main nav

For us, a website has to stand on its own without content.

The last one is my favorite. This guy sells a CMS package!

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

momadvice — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 22:40:38

These are great! My favorite was an email I got from a client one time saying how the site looked different on his laptop than it did on his desktop. I tried hard to explain the obvious reasons, but he insisted there must be something I can do to fix it.

He came into the office later on with his laptop, opened the site, and said "see how it's darker?". There were so many things I wanted to say at that moment, but when I noticed his laptop was opened at a 90 degree angle I said "crouch down and it'll look brighter". He did, then stood up, then sat back down.

"Oh"

- Ryan

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

Tyme — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 21:42:19

I sympathize with you guys. The client expects top-notch creative genius as cheap as possible and within crazy time-frames (sometimes). I worked with a designer who knew me so well she'd sent me a mockup and I almost never changed a thing on it. I think I did one time - a link color or background color. Unfortunately I ended up waiting on her many times because she was jammed by her other clients. The design process is fun when you click with the designer like that.

@wrttnwrd: Good luck - I hope they decide to end things rather than make everyone miserable (or get their act together).

@Gnorb: That sucks.

@samuelcotterall: LMAO - make it suck less...

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

jensized — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 21:41:41

You need to submit that one to AdVerbatims.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

dreamweaver — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 20:43:32

Sheesh, just fire them and be done with it. Less hassle in the long run...

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

wrttnwrd — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 20:14:10

@Dreamweaver: Yes, the delay was caused by the client. Actually successive delays:

1. First the old "I'll know what I like when I see it" design method ground on for 2 months.

2. Then they didn't review the design for 3 weeks after delivered.

3. Then they were 4 weeks late delivering content (which they wouldn't pay us to create).

Now they're threatening to fire us.

Please!? Would you?! Pretty please??!!!!!!

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

Gnorb — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 17:16:39

You know, I've been fired from jobs for that very thing.

Month 1:
"Well, this is what you want to do and this is the current time table. We'll be delayed because we don't have the personnel."

Month 3:
"What do you mean we can't do this now?"
"Well, I told you a few months back that we didn't have the personnel to get this done when you wanted to."
"Then work longer."
"I'm already working 60 or more hours a week to make up for your lack of personnel, not to mention being paid low enough that I've had to get a second job."
"Then you're fired"
"For?"
"We need someone who'll be a team player.
"You keep using those words, "Team Player." I do not think they mean what you believe they mean."

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

samuelcotterall — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 16:44:31

Haha.

My favourite is:

Client: "I don't like it, I want it changing..."
Designer: "Well, this was approved two months ago. What do you want us to do to it?"
Client: "I dunno, just make it suck less..."

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

Vidar — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 15:39:28

Also, the only website (if any) that guy needs is dictionary.com

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

dreamweaver — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 15:04:42

That's a good one! And the delay was probably caused by the client himself, right?

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

Vidar — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 14:23:47

Hahaha, oh wow.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

ericjohnson — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 11:09:16

"I can get my nephew to do that for me for almost nothing..."

needless to say, next week i was called to do the job, and they got a month tacked onto the waiting time for me to get started.

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

peroty — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 09:18:06

hahahahahahaha what did he think delayed meant??

Greatest Client Quote. Ever.

wrttnwrd — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 09:08:12

"When you said it would be delayed, I didn't think that meant the site would launch late!!!!"

I couldn't make this stuff up.